We've received a certain amount of criticism for the Sex Talk section because it seemed we were strongly biased against sex, whether on prom night or whatever. I'm sorry if we gave that impression. We certainly are not biased against it. But neither are we in favor of irresponsible or stupid actions, or wanton acts, or immature approaches, or anything which at any time may hurt another human being. So in this section, we'd like to help you explore the positive aspects of sex, its beauty, its delight, and its meaningfulness for a couple that is truly in love. One thing though: we don't believe in sex for the sake of sex. If that's your thing, that's also your business; but it has no place in this section.

As usual, it's your contributions that make the difference for all of us--so don't be shy!

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First of all, I think this is obviously a touchy subject by the looks of other comments posted in this area. I can see both perspectives in this situation and think maybe if I explain my own situation to everyone, maybe it might help a few other people reflect.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 3 months now and believe it or not, we've been through a hell of a lot. I've always been the type of person who believes that sex is an action that should only be taken with someone who you love with all your heart and that the only time you'd actually decide to make love to that person is when you're sure the time is right and that you'll be expressing your love for them through sex. That's just my opinion and I respect that other people have other opinions. As a matter of a fact, my own girlfriend has very different views on sex. She believes that it isn't anything serious and is just a form of pleasure that should be available whenever you feel like it.

I guess it's because I have different views that it's kind of made her a bit cautious of me when it comes to this matter because she's never met a guy who I guess you could say has a "typical girl's" perspective when it comes to sex. Because of our different views we've decided to wait; so, yes, we haven't made love yet. And without going into much detail, I'd appreciate it if no one were to comment as to my comprehension of the word love and whether or not I actually mean it when I say I am totally in love with my girlfriend. We have been through a lot, good and bad. How bad was the bad? Enough to tear my heart into millions of pieces at the time and it still hurts when I think about it. But I'm still here for her, I still love her and it's for that reason (and only that reason) that we're still together. Prom is coming up next Friday and my girlfriend and I have discussed the issue a great deal. In fact, one of the things about me that makes me who I am is that I'm extremely over-analytical. I've analyzed this topic daily for about 2 months with her. I know that she's unsure of her emotions and how she really feels, and I respect that. If she were to say no I would totally respect that and back off immediately, in fact, I have. But we decided that after prom we are going to get a hotel room. We've kind of mutually agreed that we're going to stop analyzing everything and just do what feels right. If by chance it doesn't feel right at the time, we'll probably just end up sleeping together in the same bed holding each other; I don't really care. I just love being with her and being close to her and that matters more to me than any other action. I want to be with her and although I do want to express how I feel for her through sex, that's something we'll have to decide together at the time.

I think everyone here who is questioning whether or not they should have sex should really think about it in a different way. I realize you're here to see other people's opinions and see if any apply to you, but I think the best advice anyone can give you is that you need to be at the comfort level with your partner to be able to fully talk about it without being nervous. Sex is a very big issue to begin with; if you can't talk to your partner about it and discuss your concerns, then I don't think there's any question to begin with.

Second of all, if you are at that comfort level with your partner where you can discuss all of your concerns and such, then I think you'll obviously have a better idea of what the real issue is. Prom is not all about reputation, it doesn't follow a "1. Dinner, 2. Dance, 3. Hotel to have sex" routine. Don't feel pressured into making unwise decisions simply because all of your friends are. Talk to your date about it. Furthermore, I guess I'm giving giving this advice more to people that are like me. If you're the kind of person who treats sex as nothing more than a simple action to feel pleasure, then there's no question for you to begin with except for safety. I just feel that people should look at all of the factor's involved and talk them through before coming to a conclusion. -- Scott, Ontario CA

I think the statements made by The Prom Site were a little harsh. I feel that, while they have a point, they fail to mention the young adults who are as responsible as they can be for their actions in the bed. The Prom site seems to assume that everyone having sex, especially on prom night, is doing it becaue their dates "forced" them to or they have no control. But you do not realize that some teens have fallen in love and have been together for quite some time and the sex is consensual. There's more ways than one to look at the issue. -- Nicki, Chicago IL

Your official position on sex has a few problems. I completely respect the position itself and in most cases, it's good advice. People who are on the internet looking to find out whether or not they should give it up on prom night most likely shouldn't. So good job there. However, it is not ALWAYS that the negative is more than the positive. You have to respect that there are varying situations and some people will not regret having sex. ALSO, the laws on sex vary from state to state. I live in Oregon, and I am seventeen, which makes me a minor. However, if i have sex with someone two years younger than me, it's ok. As long as minors have that two year range between then and no more, it's legal sex. (Sex with a minor and non-minor is illegal.) People deserve to know that state laws differ from each other.

The bottom line is that your advice loses credibility because it's completely one sided and sees no room for sex being alright. Many, many teenagers have sex on prom night, either for the first time or for the thousandth time. It isn't wrong every single time and until you acknowledge that a lot of the advice you give seems irrelevant.

I do think the "Practical Advice" section is good. Those scenarios are all cases where sex is NOT a good idea and lots of girls going to prom won't be able to figure that out. The whole section has good intentions but people don't listen unless you respect their views too. -- Sally, OR

To whom it may concern, In the sex talk section of your website you state, "Sex with a minor is a Federal offense." This statement is not completely true. In the state of Michigan one may have sexual intercourse with a minor as long as both people are above the age of 16 and under 18. I believe that it is important for websites such as yours to have accurate information especially when the information may affect an extremely important decision. Thank You -- Rachel, Saline MI

I'm not saying that it's ok to have sex on prom night, but I needed to make a correction. The Age of Consent is not 18 in every state. In some states, it's as low as 16. Also, you shouldn't let anyone pressure you into doing it, but at the same time, you shouldn't let anyone pressure you into NOT doing it. Many people act very opinionated about this topic (I'm sorry, but even many of the people on this site), but you have to remember that this is a VERY PERSONAL THING, and what you do and/or not do is your own business. -- Sara, Taunton MA