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Welcome to Secks (S.e.x.) Talk!
We've designed this section to deal with secks issues on or around prom night. After spending many years answering advice on it, we thought it was time to build the secks issue a section of its own. What we want to do in here, is create a discussion area where we can all air our concerns and perhaps offer insights or ideas about secks on prom night, about what it really means, about what is right and what is wrong, and about our expectations and our misconceptions.

secks has been with human beings since day one. We are secksual beings before we are anything else. You can blame this on God, or you can blame it on evolutionary mechanisms-- that's up to you. But what you can't do, is get around the simple fact that a day will come when you will like someone, or fall in love with someone, or at least become hyper-aware of them; and that at some point when you are with that person, you will feel secksual desire.

This being the case, then maybe it's best to study the issue (secks) and deal with it in a responsible and intelligent way, so that when the day does come, you will not be taken by surprise, and you will know how to handle yourself and not do something you'll later regret. And that's what this section is for: so that we can explore secks in the context of prom, and perhaps bring all of us closer to understanding it and its limitations-- or rather, our limitations, because remember, as secksual beings, our desires too often drive us much more powerfully than our reason.

Our Official Position
Okay, we don't want to come down heavy on the secks issue, but as a public website, ThePromSite.Com / PromDress.Net needs to state its position before we can say anything else. And actually, we have two of them:

  1. secks on prom night: Don't do it. Don't do it because you feel you should since it's often "expected" on prom night. Don't do it because your friends tell you it's what you should do. Don't do it because your date tries to force you into it (especially when they use mind games). Don't do it because you've been drinking. Don't do it if you're not ready, because, if you do it, there will be consequences. And the consequences will always be more negative than positive. Yes, always.

  2. Don't do it if you are underaged and your partner is not, because among other things, you can get him (or her) in trouble. Sounds retentive and old-bat-like? Absolutely. But consider the law: secks with a minor is a Federal offense (not a state offense). And consider the punishment: Prison. When is someone a minor? Any time they are under 18 and you are not. Now consider the following story, b/c the guy could be charged with molesting, or harassing, or even attempted rape (sad, but true); and if she had consented, he could still be charged with having secks with a minor:
    I was only 14, and an 18 year old guy asked me to the prom! He had a bad rep, using younger girls. I didnt care, I just wanted to go to the prom. It wasnt that fun tho. He wouldnt let me dance with anyone else. He didnt want to dance. We just sat there and watched. He kept trying to feel my chest and up my leg, first through my formal dress, then lifting or trying to lower the prom dress. It was horrible. I finally called my Mom to come get me and I went home at like 10 pm. Prom sucked.
    The girl in the story left the issue at "prom sucked," but if her mother had wanted to press charges, she could have. So I repeat, be careful. And be careful in two senses: One, if you're overage and the other person is underage, think hard about what you want to do. And two, if you're underage, and perhaps "naive," also think hard about what might happen.

Having stated our official position, there's something we need to add: Laws are laws. Laws are there for our individual good, and for the good of everybody. Laws are important, and it is important not to break them, because when you do, you and others may suffer.

But running side by side with laws, there's also reality.

And reality says that things happen. For whatever the reason, they happen. Crying or moralizing, or making laws, won't change reality one bit. And since this is true, and since we can't hide from reality, then--we believe--it's best to deal with it up front and directly.

A Note to Parents

Most of the feedback we've received from parents concerning this section has been really great. And we've been happy to hear it because, believe me, we really are trying to help. However, there's the occasional sour note, usually from a parent who is scandalized that "kids" are reading some of the stories or other information in here. So first I want to say--hey, don't forget that it's those same "kids" or others like them that are submitting the information. And if this is the case, then it almost certainly means there's something going on here which, we believe, it would be best to explore, not to to sweep under the rug and avoid. And second...well, here's a parent's email, and our response to their concern. It totally states what we believe and feel about the issue of secks and why we think it's important to explore it on this site:

I am a mom of a 15 year old daughter. I do not think it is appropriate to print stories about bi-secksual orgies with prom dresses flying off on prom night! Please improve your judgement. Think of it this way. Would you want your child to read about that?

Our response: Hi Kathren, I would like my child to read that, yes. The story contains actions that are wrong. The explanation I give above the story makes it's wrongness clear, and the readers' commentary agrees. Moreover, I write in the introductory page to these stories, and to the whole "secks" section, that it is important to understand this issue while avoiding being scandalized or revolted by some of the content. It is important because this is the only way we are going to develop a proper moral judgement and act wisely concerning it--and, hopefully, avoid the mistakes that others have made.

When my daughter goes to prom, I want her to understand these issues, and the way to do so, is to bring them out in the open and discuss them. That is what we're trying to do in the "secks Talk" section of this website. Unfortunately, we haven't had time to add all the rest of the info, including readers' responses to that story. We are also building a related section that explores romance and that is meant to be contrasted with secks. Our hope is to show the difference between the two, and to point teens in the direction of what is right. But as I said, this can only be done by exploring these issues out in the open. And sometimes that means a minor exposure to something which is clearly unwholesome and wrong. It's like an inoculation for measles or rubeola: you need a small dose in order to build up immunity and fight the disease itself.

Perhaps you can ask your daughter to read the story, and then you can discuss it seriously with her. I think she will be the wiser for it. It is, in any case, something teens already discuss among themselves, and to which they are exposed too often in our society. Her best protection, I believe, will be to understand the subject, especially with her parents' help--not to avoid it.

Anyhow, that was our response, and that is how we feel about the whole secks issue. So welcome to secks Talk. Up front & direct!

What we've got so far!
A question of control. The intro and stories here all lay out what can happen depending on which of the 4 paths to secks you take:
Got any thoughts or ideas on prom secks? This is the place to air them. It's kind of like a forum, except that you can't post until we've reviewed the content (you know how it is). Also, at the moment it's just a bunch of questions and your answers. This will change soon.
An area where we write down all or any ideas we have concerning secks on prom night. Expect these ideas to be philosophical, anthropological, and any other-logical that might work in this context. Basically, we want to consider this an ongoing (often technical) analysis of the secks-on-prom-night issue.
Exactly what it says: practical advice. How to say no, how to deal with a guy (or girl) that's been drinking and is getting too pushy, when to say no, why to say no, etc. Obviously, we won't have much practical advice to give to those of you who have decided to have secks anyway--except the standard stuff about being careful, that is--but for the rest of you, we hope this will help.
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