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Secks (S.e.x.) Talk: The Four Paths
The 4 Paths to secks
There are 4 paths, or four types of control, when it comes to secks. Depending on our choice, we arrive at very different feelings and very different consequences.

(click anywhere in each cell for stories and more)


No
Control

Total suspension of the moral sense
*
Freeing of our animal natures
*
Definitely no romance. Because while romance may find its ultimate expression in the secksual act, the reverse is not true: Just secks does not ever lead to romance. Instead, it kills it.


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Lost
Control

Mistakes
*
Disappointment
*
Regret
*
Frustration
*
Anger
*
Separations
*
Aloneness



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Others
Control You

Mistakes
*
Disappointment
*
Regret
*
Frustration
*
Anger
*
Loss of Confidence
*
Unhappiness



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You
Control You

Self Respect
*
and/or
*
Romance
*
Partnership
*
Dating
*
Hope
*
Love
*
Happiness




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What Do We Mean by "Control" Anyway?

Maybe a better word is "self-restraint."

It works like this: society--the whole concept of society--exists so that people can live together. To do this, society has to define itself as the opposite of nature, and it must then consider nature as non-social, or an animal nature.

While society does not specifically say that an animal nature is evil, it does say that it is antithetical (that is, is opposite to) and inimical (that is, is hostile to) society, and that therefore it is not good--at least not from the point of view of society.

Since an animal nature is not good, society must strive to control it. It succeeds in this control by making and enforcing rules. These are the rules that pattern and give meaning to our individual lives. They are at the foundation of our living together as moral beings, without killing each other, or raping, or robbing, or otherwise doing whatever we want.

When we get older and start being "responsible," what this really means is that we have internalized these rules society gives us and that we are now upholding them ourselves--in other words, we are now practicing self-restraint.

We are not--repeat, not--doing whatever we want. We are doing what we feel and believe is right. And doing what we feel and believe is right means that we are now controlling our animal natures.

That is what we mean by "control."

So, when it comes to secks--and it always comes down to secks!--control means simply: behaving in ways which are responsible; and these are the ways which society accepts as moral and right. Anything else, and you're losing control.

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