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Secks Talk: Your Questions
We've selected the questions below from among the questions you submit over time. Feel free to reply to them, to try to answer them, or, in keeping with the spirit on this site, to diss them if you like--we'll understand.


Why should you say "yes" or "no" to sex on prom night?
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I would say yes. Well now you are thinking I am nuts, well I am not because I love my boyfriend and we have been together long enough and have made a desicion to have sex. I would say for someone that is going with someone other than their boyfriend should have the answer of no because to me when I have sex it is not just sex it is making love and that is what it should be. So if you are going with someone you are in love with then of course the answer could be yes but if you are just going with some guy/gurl don't just have sex to have sex!! -- Lisa, 18, Buffalo NY


You should only say yes if you are in love with the other person. All other circumstances you should say no. Sex is very special to many people and if you have sex when you aren't in love it won't be special. If you are still a virgin by your prom not that is a reason, not because you couldn't have sex, but because something is holding you back, like not being in love. -- Julie, 18, chicago Il


Well, I would say no, because none of the guys are worth the time. -- Emily, 16, Tavares FL


In my opinion, people focus to much on the whole sex thing when talking about prom. I know it happens, but the only way to make sure it doesn't happens is to state your line of intimacy before you even decide to go with someone. If the person knows exactly how you are, chances are he won't ask you if he knows you aren't up for any kind of sex. Finally I would say just be yourself, and that should answer the sex question clearly. Girls, never let any boy try to talk you into anything. Good luck and Im sure you will all be beautiful on your big night. -- Danielle, 18, Fishers IN


i think that sex on prom night is a personal decision that is not anyone else's business but myself and my partner. if i chose to have sex that night, then i do but if i don't then that's okay too. i don't need to have sex with my boyfriend to have a good time. the guys that pressure girls to have sex are just jerks and aren't worth your time in the first place. -- Rita, 18, duluth MN


there is no "yes" or "no" as to if you should have sex or not on prom night. it depends upon your own individual situation. i will be having sex with my boyfriend for hours upon hours on prom night, but so what? why should anybody else care? and honestly, does it matter? -- Selena, 17, Helenwood TN


If I have sex on prom night it's because the guys I go with I have known for years, and I trust him. I wouldn't have my first time with a guy I've known very little time and don't trust, respect and even maybe love. I'm not saying that love has little to do with it, but it's not as important that he's the love of my life but that he's kind and sweet and important to me and I'm important to him and we care about each other. If I waited until I truly loved someone heart and soul, I might never have sex, or at least not until I'm married and I'm not waiting until I'm in my late 20's early thirties to have sex. So all you bble-tumping brats with closed-minded and out-dated opinions about sex go jump up my ass. I could give a crap what you think about my sex life... which means that my writing this was pointless, oh well -- Kelly, 17, New York







Should you just do it prom night to make him or her happy?
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There was this kid I used to have sex with, just because he wanted to. At first, I was ok with it, but after a while, I just felt used and really low. That's all he wanted me for after some time b/c he knew that if he wanted it, he would get it. So I am proud to say, I haven't had sex with him in over 4 months!! You have to steer clear of stupid guys like that. -- Melissa, 18, IN


i think that if you're having sex with someone just to make that person happy, then what kind of relationship will you have with them? i mean if you can't make an important decision like that on your own then how is your later life going to play out? you're letting someone make decisions for you and that's not something i'm going to do. when i chose to have sex, it was because i really care about my boyfriend and we both decided that we were ready to take our relationship to that level. -- Rita, 18, Duluth MN


Dunno. Seems to me that doing it on prom night is a big deal and I intend to do it anyway even though me and my date are buds and not romantic. Weve talked it over anyway and were both agreed that if the mood is right then what the hell. -- Kate, Raleigh NC


to Kate: yeah do it!! that.s what i'm planning with my date and we agreed altho we din't discuss it much. i've known him like forever and weve fooled some in the past this is going to be te big one. -- Nina, Clearwater FL


Nina and Kate, wht are u thinking girls? Sex is not something you just do cause its prom nite. Think about it. what are you going to tell that special someone when he comes along- and he will? -- Jen, Louisville KY


Prom night is just like any other night. What's the big deal in doing it that night? But I would end up doing it! -- Bridget, 15, MS


You aren't anyone's love slave! Do what you wanna do for you, not for some guy you aren't going to talk to after high school! -- Kate, 16


I agree completely with Jen. Nina and Kate~prom can be fun without having sex. Sex is a huge committment that seems small. It may be fun for one night but if you are just friends what if there are consequences... like a child. are you ready for that? -- Amia, IN


You know all through the years sex has been considered the main thing to do on prom night with your date, whoever it may happen to be. when you really think about it though, who are those people that keep talking about having sex on prom night just because it's prom night, ya..that's right ..probably not the ones with the right type of head on their shoulders. i'm not referring to the people that are in love, if you've been with that person for a long time and your in love then more props to you for making sure it's with somebody you can trust. but to have sex just to have sex and because it's prom night!!! i mean come on..how superficial can people be exspecially if it's to make another person happy??!!! shouldn't you be the one making yourself happy for your ownself and knowing who your with and know you can trust them. i understand the whole we've been friends for really long time theme, which i understand holds trust, but just because it's prom seems kind of shallow in my eyes (note : i said in my eyes not saying the actual person is shallow, trying to pervent arguments here.) back to the being in love thing though, if you love them and you've waited this long why do it when you know hundreds of others are that night. i'm going to my prom with my boyfriend who i love but i don't intend on having sex with him that night, i like to think good things come with time, plus i don't believe i'm emotionally ready yet and i think a lot of girls aren't either but think they are and once they have sex and realize that awful gut feeling afterwards and then they try to seek comfort but the guy they were with wether it be "friend" or not...might not give them the comfort and affection that they need, something a long-term boyfriend could give you. i just think the idea of sex on prom night is silly because prom is meant to have fun and sex is meant to be something really serious, those 2 just shouldn't mix, exspecially if the person your with is just to be with and just to do it with, don't you want somebody you long and love for to be the one you share that intimate moment with. i'm not trying to sound cheesy and old fashioned by saying this stuff, i'm just speaking as what i feel the real truth is here and what the long term effects of silly actions can be. -- Cathryn, 17, AL







Secks is sacred and only for married couples?
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Ok I'm 19 and i didn't start having sex till about two months ago. Look not everyone thinks it's bad to have sex. If you really want ot do it then do it and if you don't then don't. Guys are dumb and will try to get u to do it.it can still be special if youre not married but you have to be really in love for it to be special...Peace out -- Amber, 19, Long Beach CA


You can have sex whenever you want, i'm really from Canada but i live here now and I know some people that have had sex in grade 7 i think thats kinda gross but most people have sex in the first year of highschool if your a virgin at prom time...and your in your senior year i don't think your gonna get any sex... you girls in the US i think are kinda kifey! every heard of parties and going to a guys house?! -- Ashley, 15, Orange COunty FL


As long as you're having fun, that's all that matters. As for those people who have yet to accept the idea that, amazingly enough, people DO actually have sex out of wedlock . . . well, they might want to go back into whatever dank place they have been in all these years and try to once again forget the realities of our present day society. -- Daisy, 16, Tilton NH


Clearly there are a lot of mixed up people out there. You should be proud of expressing yourself freely. You've got all these Jesus freaks telling you about the nature of God being restrictive and shaming. Seems to me a contradiction for God to allow us to make our life what we want to make of it, but to then condemn us for the decisions we made; that's like saying, do what you want, as long as it's exactly what I want you to do. Decide what you want to do with your life and then DO it. And if something isn't right for you, you'll know it. Follow that voice inside you, not the ones outside you. Half of figuring out what you want in life is figuring out what you don't want. People of all walks are around every corner condemning what others do, so the only one to please is yourself. -- Anne, 17, Tempe AZ


Ok...I've been reading at lot of the comments on this area and have my own opinions to share. I personally think sex is best in a loving relationship, but I don't feel it's necessary to wait until marriage, but that may not be right for everyone. I don't understand why there are so many biased, illogical opinions. I fully support people that want to give it up when they're 13, as well as people who would like to wait. Why can't everyone just be accepting of other's choices? Putting someone down for having sex because YOU want to wait makes you seem like the bad guy. That's all I've got to say. Later! =) -- Jenn, Toronto


In my opinion sex is only for people who are emotionally, physically, and mature enough to handle it. If you are 19- or if you are 39 as long as you know you are okay with everything that comes along with it. I also don't believe you have to be married. If you are committed someone and know in your heart it's what you and your partner want, then make lots of love. -- Danielle, 18, ND


i think that if you are in a relationship and you and your partner have decided that you both are ready to take your relationship to that level, then you shouldn't be made to feel guilty just because you aren't married. true, i feel that you should wait until you're older but if you feel that you are ready to deal with the consequences of your actions then you should do what your heart is telling you is right. -- Rita, 18, Duluth MN


Wanna be single mother supporting a child on your own right out of high school? I didn't think so. That's one of the consequences of having sex out of marriage. Condoms aren't 100% safe either. -- Liz, 17, Canton OH


Sex. To some people it means loving someone, and to some it means just relieving frustrations or just wanting to get it over with. It's so much more. My advice is: wait. I started having sex when I was 16 with my long time boyfriend of about a year. Then, it was fine..we were in love. And then the unthinkable happened; I was pregnant. We used condoms, but I guess one of them didn't work. Two months into it I lost the baby. He said he still loved me, but we broke up shortly after. Now when I think about it, I've cheated my future husband out of some of me. I've experienced alot to be so young...and I hate it. EVERYTHING has a concequience, and not all of them are good. And you really don't even have to bring God into this. Its a question of respect for yourself and your future spouse..so think about it. -- Hailey, 18, SC


I think that sex is a very special thing and should always be saved for marriage. It gives you one more thing to look forward to. I hope that when i get married, both of us will be able to tell each other that we have saved ourselves and we will have that first time experience together. A lot of people think people say they want to wait just because they can't get any, but thats not true. My boyfriend and I have both made the commitment to not have sex, and its one of the best things you can do. even though its hard at times, things are less akward, and its a relationship that i can enjoy and be proud of. and in the future, i wont have to look back and regret decisions that i made in high school. one night of pleasure can lead to a lifetime of bad consequences and regret, so i encourage everyone to wait and you will be very glad you did -- Corie, 17, MS


Sex... not only for marrieds, but for those who love each other, those who care about eah other and sonetimes just because you really really want to. I'm a virgin, but I'm not gonna be hypocritical, I know that I'll have sex out of wedlock, with someone I probably don't love, but that's OK. I would only have sex because I want to, and that's what's important. It's something that is sacred and I'd never have sex with someone I didn't even like, that's pathetic. If I want to have sex, God will not condemn me to Hell because I'm not married, God might not like that I had sex out of wedlock, but me guess is there are bigger things that God is trying to take care of, like making sure that kids in third world countries are being helped or something worthy of God's time, not my sex life... just something to chew on -- Kelly, 17, New york







Should you have sex with someone you don't even care for?
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My response is No, if you dont care for the person and just give up your virginity cuz it was suppose to happen is wrong. All i can say is go out and have fun. If your a senior then what are you suppose to do ? Well all i can say is be careful and if you dont have feeling for your date like in that way then do what you think might be right. --Gracie, 17, Winslow AZ


No, I dont think you should, not only for your own sake but for theirs. I mean, especially if it's your or their first time...on the one side you dont feel anything for them, and they dont feel anything for you, and you have sex, it's not a nice feeling and to me seems completely pointless...on the other hand you might sleep with someone you dont feel anything for but they feel something for you, so you decide you'll do it anyway, what's that person gonna feel like when they find out??? and believe me they will wihtout a doubt, you could really hurt them, even more so than just saying no. -- Catherine


i think that you should only have sex with someone that you really care about and respect. i mean if you have sex with someone you don't care about then that ruins the whole idea of your first time being special and all. you'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't. -- Rita, 18, duluth MN


well my thoughts on this are different from everyone else's. if you wanna have sex, then have sex. i've done it and most of you have too. you know the situation, go out, get drunk, hook up with someone and have a night of fun. honestly, it ain't that bad. -- Totally unknown, yeah


MAKE LOVE NOT WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've had both, sex with and without love, and I can truely say that sex with love is much better than without love. Sure I had a great time with both guys, but still, it's a better feeling afterwards. I think everyone has to decide if they want sex without love or not because everyone is different. My best friend would never have sex with a guy she's not in love with and I think that's cool. All I can say: MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR -- Alicia, 19, Washington DC







It's okay to have sex before marriage as long as you're in love, right?
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i don't think ya'll should be having sex at a young of age. --Marylin, Raleigh NC


Personally I think sex is worth waiting for until you meet the right person, not just 'some friend.' Like somebody I knew once said, I don't really have a problem with sex before marriage... but I do have a problem with sex before love. --Ellie, 17, Vestal NY


I think sex on prom night is for anyone willing. Do not leave your prom early to "hump" your significant other. Stick around and make the boy/girl wait for your loving. If you are a virgin- stay that way for someone more special than your high school prom date. Sex that is planned always is the worst so do not plan to have sex on promnight just let things happen the way that they are meant to. Nothing is better than fate. Right? --Ali, Bargersville IN


I personally think that sex before marriage is okay as long as you love that person. because whether you like it or not, sex is important in a person's life. But that doesn't mean that your high school boyfriend is actually someone you "love". It takes time to actually find someone you love, not like. having a crush on someone is completely different than being in love with a boy/girl. Otherwise, have sex. It's your decision, but just because you think your "adult" enough to do it, doesn't mean that you are emotionally.-- Alexandria, 15, Salem WI


i think that as long as you're in a committed loving relationship, then sex before marriage is okay, but if you're doing it on prom night just because then you're defeating the whole purpose of it being special. -- Rita, 18, Duluth MN


ok you guys are probably gonna think i'm crazy for this but its the honest truth. i've slept with alot of people. i lost my virginity at the age of 15 to someone i THOUGHT i cared about. when we broke up i just went off the deep end. i slept with people i like, thought i loved, and even had sex just to have sex. well that was all fine and dandy until the day i met my current boyfriend. you know how your parents tell you not to have sex until you're married because you'll regret it? i always thought that was a line they use to keep their children from becoming whores. but in all honesty, its a line to keep their children from missing out on the special bond that is supposed to be between a husband/wife. my boyfriend and i are engaged. we both wish so badly that we were both virgins, because when you have sex with someone, you give them a part of you, they've been inside your body and your soul. i don't know about you, but i don't like like the thought of other girls having sex with my boyfriend, and even worse than that, i can't stand thinking that guys look at me and think "yeah i f*cked her" i have something away that belongs only to my husband, as did he. if i knew then what i know, i would be a virgin right now, and share myself with the only person i truly love. i used to think just like you guys, but maybe someday, when you meet the one you are supposed to be with forever, you'll understand. to all you virgins, i hope you listen and don't make the same mistakes, i and so many others do -- So totally unknown


if you wait until marriage, it will be so much more special. and if you really love someone, and they love you back, you shouldnt have to have sex to keep your relationship together. i think if you have sex w/ someone before you're married, it takes away like all the fun from the honeymoon, b/c you've already done it, so whats so special about it? if you love someone, you should be able to wait, and if you break up, then you can look back on that relationship be proud of it and not regret it -- Someone, 17, MS


Im 14 and I got asked to the prom this year by a senior. I think that having sex on prom night is okay but you shouldnt do it unless you are ready to face the consequences that come with it. Just because everyone else is doing it does not mean you should too. -- Unknown, 14, Sisseton, SD


Sex is dumb. I recommmend oral sex because it's fun and you can't get pregnant. I mean, when me and my boyfriend have oral sex, it's like...great -- Blair, 18, W-S NC







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